Not until I encountered and committed to a Twelve Step program for each of these problems was I able to recover from them. I say recover, because twelve steppers don't use the word cured. Being cured is irrelevant, after all. What matters is whether or not we are still doing the behaviors.
As many others in Twelve Step programs will attest, the steps saved my life. Even more than that, they gave me a new way of living. Why did they work when other measures did not? I have my ideas about that but will not go into them here. My purpose in 5-7-5 is simply to list the steps and offer haiku inspired by them.
1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol [or other compulsive/addictive substances/behaviors, e.g., narcotics, food, sex, gambling...] - that our lives had become unmanageable.
2. Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
6, Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
9. Made direct amends to such people whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
10. Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
12. Having had a spiritual awakening as a result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics [or other compulsive users/addicts, e.g., narcotics, food, sex, gambling...], and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Getting There
no one had to say
that I had a big problem
I knew I had one
I had tried to stop
many times...by many means
and always fell back
nothing seemed to work
no, not seemed...nothing did work
many my failures
untold promises were made
all of them broken
changed jobs and careers
less stress...fewer hours worked
not the solution
a relationship…
if I had the right partner
maybe that would help
in fact it did help
temporarily at least
a few months...a year
I went back to church
it seemed to work for a while
and then it didn’t
hoping to start all over
complete change of scene
at last...a new life
except my problem moved too
as did my old life
spilled out my sordid story
he said to come back
I did...many times
one step forward…then three back
problem persisted
she listened...pronounced...bluntly
you are an addict!
made a suggestion
twelve step meetings she called them
not pleased...GO! she said
I went...and things changed
one meeting erased all doubt
this was the right place
We admitted we were powerless over alcohol [or other compulsive/addictive substances/behaviors, e.g., narcotics, food, sex, gambling...] - that our lives had become unmanageable.
Powerlessness
I was powerless
not an excuse…a hard fact
I could not whip this
hard to comprehend
my efforts availed me naught
I had to give up
I...was not in charge
I...was my worst enemy
I...must be removed
not for the moment at least
just powerlessness
powerless over…
to begin… my addiction
had I not proved that
all of those failures
surely they were proof enough
I had no power
my powerlessness was vast
beyond addiction
I had no power
over people and most things
I was deluded
how helpful this was
to be free of illusion
free of this burden
there was little doubt
that my life was in a mess
way out of control
unmanageable
is the word used in Step One
for the way I lived
a big reason why
was because of my problem
which came before all
and things I ought not to do
I chose the latter
my relationships
my friends, job, time, and money
all were out of whack
I could trace it all
back to this problem I had
at least most of it
how most of life was that way...
unmanageable
it was enough now
to see what I could not do…
beat this on my own
I got a sponsor
a person who would guide me
in working The Steps
my first assignment…
write a detailed history
about my problem
when it first began
who and what influenced me
how did it progress
what things did I do
and what things did I neglect
due to my problem
endanger my health, my life
my life of spirit
did I harm others
endanger them...betray them
did I lie, cheat, steal
did I try to stop
what were the measures I took
and with what results
took responsibility
spared myself nothing
my sponsor read it
helped me dig even deeper
into dark secrets
then I told others
I read this bleak history
to my group members
they listened and encouraged
and accepted me
they told their stories
behaviors that were like mine
I was not alone
with nothing to hide
I could now become honest
keep no more secrets
it was but a start
yet also a huge first step
eager, I pushed on
Step Two
Came to believe that a Power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
Came
this first word could mean…
in time, I came to believe
I became convinced
it could also mean…
I’m here! I came to believe!
let’s get on with it!
I was the latter
right off...that's why I was there
I came to believe!
the AA Big Book
cautions about half measures
which work not at all
I took it to heart
nothing else worked...this was it
no time to dabble
I was like a sponge
not there to test the waters
but to dive head first
others take longer
they come with little belief
or perhaps mistrust
progress might be hard
yet fight they must to let go
old ways of thinking
cast them off like chains
daring to gamble on trust
where distrust has failed
Belief
I came with beliefs
so many of them...countless
just ask...I would preach
but were they really...
a belief should have impact
most of mine did not
I said I believed
my actions said I did not
my beliefs were few
simply opinions
for spouting and for debate
time for their ditching
thus starts the chipping
chiseling at the ego
cutting it to size
not an easy job
neither is it a quick one
nor do it yourself
Greater Power
I had admitted
all of my powerlessness
I had no power
so who had power
if not me, who...was it God
as I had been taught
yet not all believe
how are these to work this step...
for them, is there hope
a power greater…
for some indeed it is God
for others, not so
what is important...
a greater power exists
much greater than I
this greater power
can do what I cannot do
this I must believe
there might be a name
or a power without name
it matters little
belief is what counts
and allows me to move on
building up my trust
trust or call it faith
will become the foundation
for my surrender
surrender I must
this is the key to these steps
it will set me free
Restored
if to be restored
shouldn’t I know where I am
also where I was
here is the sad fact
I’m clueless about where...was
going or coming
I’m a blind man lost
not seeing where he must go
from where he must start
I can’t lead myself
blind man leading a blind man...
I’ve lived that adage
a Power greater...
now the work really begins
I have to reach out
on my own I’m lost
I need help and maybe more
help me...no...do this!
Sanity
when had I been sane...
difficult for me to know
had no idea
that’s sad in itself
didn’t know if I’d been sane
in my life...ever
where was I to start
I did not know about sane
I did know insane
I began writing
about my insanity
described how it looked
one definition…
doing the same thing over
and over again
and still expecting
a difference in result...
now that is insane
here’s another one...
weighing options I don’t have
insane waste of time
how about this one…
there are no consequences
at least not for me
and one just like it…
my thoughts are reality
what I think is real
then there is this one…
I am my circumstances
just keep switching them
one last example…
pursue the feelings I like
avoid those I don’t
that’s half a dozen
right off the top of my head
and there were others
yet on the flip side
each of these insanities
reveals sanity
each insanity
points to a sane behavior
an opposing choice
there was hope this time
but there was caution as well...
I had hoped before
could I trust my brain
sussing it out had not worked
in fact, it had failed
same for will-power
how many times had I quit
said...never again!
even had success
but only for a short time
then...I fell once more
alone, I would fail
I was sure...I always had
something had to change
I had no power
but this would take great power
greater than my own
I came to believe
a power greater than mine
could where I could not
Step Three
Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
The Decision
addiction is tough
it will not be wished away
nor go on its own
all attempts to stop
even those that are failures
take a decision
the path of the steps
starts with a first decision
but calls for many
none more important
than the one in the Third Step
this one...a big leap
its strength of resolve
determines all that follows...
success or failure
and not only now
not only with the problem
but for life itself
I must decide now
in this moment and the next
the next and the next…
if not a constant...
like all promises to stop
this one too will fade
vital it must be...
on this decision hinges
a new way of life
Surrender
now no turning back
instead a turning over…
a giving away
letting go my grip
my desire to control
need to be in charge
self-will has ruled me
drove me to live a grasper
a getter...clutching
doing it my way...
saying it is for others
fooling only me
there’s a name for it
it is called stinking thinking
self-centered logic
this I must give up
without knowing the result...
let go of the wheel
though unknown to me
this was an act of dying
dying to the self
moment by moment
through acts of surrender comes
death of the ego
gone are the old ways
the you-do-it-my-way days
or-the-highway days
Will And Life
a radical step
this surrender of self-will
how can it be done
for sure not alone
my sponsor is my go-to
he suggests...I do
I am not my deeds
yet what I do does portend
the path to be forged
a plan is devised
a sacred course to follow
one practiced daily
five pointed the plan
each point evokes surrender
each a sacred act
first...sacred mantra
a prayer without ceasing
diligently prayed
daily chores horn in
other diversions abound
even sleep intrudes
but return, return
days, weeks, month pass...it engrains
becomes what I do
without a purpose
I say it ‘for no because’
it is my practice
the mantra chosen
‘Lord Jesus Christ have mercy’
came from where I was
though now it has changed...
twice in twenty-seven years...
the practice thrives still
a meditation
centered in calm solitude
brain uninvited
not only some times...
at all times...walking, standing
sitting or lying
second...sacred place
space each day to simply be
to be still, quiet
thinking...reflecting
more likely...with brain empty
being...just being
each morning at six
at the Eucharist I gazed
words were not spoken
for three years I went
same church, same pew, seldom missed
until I could not
circumstances changed
so too did my sacred place
to a place within
a place with no name
no physical boundaries
not only at six
there I abide still
sacred inner place awaits
daily I am called
third...sacred reading
my brain has what my brain has
what I allow in
much has been garbage
its value paltry...or worse
a lot...destructive
gossip, TV, pulp
videos, movies, and porn
trash for a landfill
what is there is there
no delete button to press
but the flow must cease!
new stuff must come in
top of list...AA Big Book
first, second, and third
plain language wisdom
leads straight from head to spirit
from spirit to head
still more books await
the kind filled with timeless truth
not so much self-help
each day must I read
ingest food for the spirit
digest it slowly
read with abandon…
until moved to reflect...pray
no rush to the end
then...like my problem
entering and seizing hold
now...seeds of freedom
done each day...delving deeply
journal of spirit
circumstances change
write not about the outside
frame what is within
read...write about it
what it means...how it impacts
the movement within
a path recorded
in real time...as it is walked
living diary
key to clarity
putting pen to fuzzy thoughts
seeing...believing
triple the whammy!
meditate, reflect...to which
add sacred writing
fifth...sacred living
adhering to a practice
deeply...faithfully
as the Twelfth Step says
‘to practice these principles
in all our affairs’
if practiced each day
the first four sacred actions
bring sacred living
The “To” Issue
...'decision to turn
our will and our lives over
To'...there’s the issue
that one small word...To
over To whom or To what
Step Three is quite clear
To the care of God…
could not be put more plainly
yet adds an option
accommodation…
a more precise word perhaps
for those not certain
an undefined God...
God as we understood Him
a God of their own
someone generic
for most...a Higher Power
for me...Jesus Christ
with years now gone by
I find the beliefs I hold
have changed over time
even about God…
for most, God is a concept
given or conceived
belief in a God
or belief in a concept
either seems to serve
or...Higher Power
or...as we understand God
concepts born of brain
with what am I left
if not God, where then to go
consider...nowhere
if not God, then what
what do I know for certain
only that I am
that you, that all...are
not a concept...certainty
we are all being
resting in being
accepting what is right now
living on its terms
no more need for To
surrender is sufficient
power in itself
simply turned over
my will and life surrendered
control relinquished
leaving me with what…
a path to be walked in faith
trusting ...not knowing
most embrace the To
a path they choose to follow
may they walk it well
Taking Care
Third Step makes it clear
will and life are turned over
God to care for them
how much will and life…
job...family...house buying
shoe style...everything
is this taking care...
or is it intervening
God taking over
God as head hunter
protector from hurricanes
healer of illness
provider of wealth
giver of job promotions...
open parking slots
at times, sounds that way
stories about how God works...
God...Super Hero
free-will conceded
most blessings material
a mixed bag of sorts
my brain is too small
to be God understanding
a concept...no more
not surrender To
I will simply surrender
turn over self-will
slowly it will fade
choosing to pursue doing
cease chasing feelings
let go attachments
those bindings that keep me back
bound to my problem
like all of the Steps
the Third summed up by one word
that word...surrender
smile twelve steppers will
some might become quite angry...
Third Step without God!
no Higher Power?
sounds like relying on self
did that work before?
correction: self-will
self-will was what did not work
not inner practice
all that is needed
is present...waiting within
missing only me
my five-pointed plan
invites me and welcomes me
come in...surrender
this plan is power
so strong it need not be named…
faith is required
faith...faithful action
bringing these two is my part
for a life within
combined with the Steps
each with acts of surrender…
my path to freedom
Step Four
Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
Digging Deeper
getting down to work
first three steps were no cake walk
but Four is a bear
it’s time consuming
takes delving into the past
waking up feelings
honest through and through
totally responsible
no passing the buck
Step Four is a search
wide the net that must be thrown
nothing overlooked
Step Four is fearless
inward looking...deep secrets
the subject is me
an inventory...
taking stock of my morals
holding back nothing
pen or pencil and paper
all is written down
at last the brain shines
what will be inventoried
how categorized
once data arranged
how to evaluate it
what is it I seek
Step Four demands time
Step Four requires courage
Step Four reveals me
The List
this inventory
what will I count exactly
where will it be found
all will be within
for most I will have to search
not easily found
in my brain they hide
thoughts, memories, emotions
planted in the past
these things affect me
influence, even direct
how I choose to live
until brought to light
their power will hold its grip
keep me in darkness
four things do I seek…
first, I look deeply to find
fears that I harbor
next...my resentments
all my grudges, ill feelings
poisons festering
all the harms I’ve done
these make up the third grouping
all those I have wronged
and last...most secret
my sexual misdeeds...all
even these revealed
these are the big four…
fears, harms, sexual misdeeds
resentments...the list
The Method
start with the first...fears
quickly I list them...brain storm
whatever pops up
not pausing to think
just list...then go to the next
study comes later
no hurry...take days
yet no stopping or time off
persistence is key
fears of every kind
people who might do me harm
threatening events
an institution...
situations that scare me
things that might happen
for most there are names
examples...a former spouse
storms...like hurricanes
police, IRS
government, a religion
boss or coworker
many about me...
financial security
health, illness, self worth
what do people think
loss of job, relationships
very long this list
finally it’s time
I start at the top...first fear
deeply I ponder
I dig for the root
precisely what do I fear
honesty a must
say...the government...
it might take my liberty
control what I say
ask myself questions
like is this happening now...
happening to me
no, but maybe will
l look at my part in this
living in future
building bogey men
ifism, whenism stuff
only in my head
this future living
common bedrock theme with fears
encountered often
thus I work the list…
study...one fear at a time
explore to its core
step back...look again
how am I fueling this fear
discover my part
armed with new knowledge
to change my part...that's my job
in time...fears will leave
a long list of fears
worked it through...fearless, thorough
next up...resentments
same method...a list
people, events, wrongs, hurts, pains
deep in memory
institutions too
anything that gnaws at me
simmering inside
listing is easy
but takes time….days perhaps weeks
painstaking delving
at last list complete
now take each line one by one
examine closely
each person listed
spawned at least one resentment
many, more than one
institutions too
thoughtfully, all examined
first one, then the next
first the resentment
what precisely is my grudge
for grudges these are
then...what is my part
not my part in the wrong...no
in the resentment
why do I hold on
what is it that nurtures it
often my ego
powerful...ego
threats to it are everywhere
status, finances
success, beliefs, pride
likea-, accepta-, stabi-
many -bilities
past circumstances
once in place, cannot be changed
but reactions can
once ego exposed
that flaw I can remedied
changes possible
sounds Herculean
except resentments share roots
spread out in branches
a lifelong process
many the flaws...deep the roots
knowing them...change them
so it is with harms
same method...start with a list
all those I have harmed
sexual misdeeds
the method for these as well
begin with a list
these harms and misdeeds
not only have harmed others
myself they have harmed
the deed...then my part
my part I see is motive
what drove me to harm
many weeks of work
mental in-basket cleared out
refreshed to move on
Step Five
Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
A Word…
Step Five deals with wrongs
yet wrongs are not its target
it goes beyond them…
...what underlies them
from what depths do they surface...
their exact nature
beyond just the wrong
admitting to its root cause
therein is the prize
Airing Out
much learned from Step Four
inventories told a tale
each revealed my part
choices, decisions
actions, tendencies, concepts...
a long list of wrongs
Step Five...spells it out
how to use what has been learned
here the changing starts
like Step One...admit
I acknowledge all my wrongs
honest...specific
generalities
vague broad brush strokes will not do
work is required
thoughts locked in the brain
remain fuzzy, ill defined
under scrutinized
oxygen needed
every wrong must be aired out
pulled out of the brain
articulation
thought, reflection required
writing down wrongs helps
time...effort...finished
the depth of my wrongs complete
ready to admit
Honesty, Courage, Humility
now for some good news...
the hardest work is over
I have looked within
the truth is in hand
my list is down-deep honest
I must be honest
courage is called for
a recently found virtue...
all I can muster
more good news appears...
I am one-third through Step Five
the to-myself-part
I was admitting
my wrongs...their exact nature
as I did the work
next...admit to God
straight forward...for believers
just do it...admit
be in solitude
find a quiet, sacred place
no rush...take the time
specific, honest
one by one each wrong revealed
its exact nature
no conscience clearing,
forgiveness, burden lifting
simple I-did-this
for non-believers
with no belief in a God...
boldly go within
the rest is the same
alone, quiet, sacred place
take the time...no rush
honesty, detail
wrongs, exact nature...the same
this is what I've done
now news not so good…
must face another person
eye-to-eye contact
a trusted person
one who understands The Steps
for me...my sponsor
I admit my wrongs
the other person listens
I ask for feedback
something to learn here
wisdom mine for the taking
he speaks...I listen
Step Five forces the action
something...me...changing
Step Six
Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
Last Things First
read Step Six backwards
best to begin at the end
work back to the start
what is it about?
my defects of character
whatever those are
where do I find them
not another search, I hope
not another list
yes...but list I have
that Fifth Step count of my wrongs
their exact nature
character defects
exact nature of my wrongs
the lists are the same
not a mystery
what it is I am facing
now what do I do
The Middle
what to do is plain
have all these defects removed
not remove...removed
it will not be me
I will not be removing
not my part in this
think back to Step Two
recall Step Three...I should know
what did these tell me
could I stop myself
how about manage myself
make changes myself
my track record bleak
no way I remove defects
so who could...God could
or a strength within
a strength beyond my control
one already there
in this I must trust
using faith that grows stronger
with each surrender
now both I can see
my defects of character...
who will remove them
The Beginning
where am I in this
this process of removal
what part do I play
action means so much
the follow through of intent
rubber meeting road
still, intent matters
it’s the on-ramp to that road
without it...no road
my part...willingness
precursor to intention
one then the other
willingness...intent
like feeder leading to ramp
the way to the road
what Step Six calls for
the ‘entirely ready’
stuff of willingness
the part I will play…
willingness with abandon
completely ready
Step Seven
Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
Sincerity
how then does this work
defects removed in a flash?
all? one at a time?
or maybe never?
In fact...none of the above
this takes faith...and time
on each arising
first there comes an awareness
seeing the defect
accept that it is
no panic...no self-blaming
call on willingness
be willing...humble
asking that it be removed
be still...let it pass
know it will return
this defect and its brothers
likely many times
thus I am humbled
not discouraged, not dismayed
I ask yet again
opportunities...
welcome them for removal
reason they are there
each time...same process
slowly defects start to fade
less frequent, less strong
progress is the goal
perfection not an option…
(that’s insanity)
removal...freedom
unburdened of self striving
learning to accept
instead those that are received
simply by asking
Step Eight
Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
Became Willing
there, that word again
willing, child of willingness
yeast for all I do
that other word...list
I go again as before
naming those I’ve harmed
most I have at hand
on my Fourth Step list of harms
there I can find them
still, there will be more
and more occasions...think hard
no time to waver
digging more deeply
farther, ever back in time
let them come forward
see into each face
look deeply into their eyes
these are real people
their hurts are real hurts
I have caused them pain...real pain
dare I look away
I cannot...will not
to each one I owe amends
willing I must be
I can do no less
and perhaps can do no more
for now...be willing
there is no glossing
mitigating circumstance
or passing of bucks
blanket forgiveness
plenary indulgences
no such easy outs
amends to them all
but to all one at a time
such is my duty
this is what it takes
Step Eight calls not for doing
but the will to do
Step Nine
Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
Courage
Step Nine has arrived
the work of Steps Four through Eight
comes to fruition
those whom I have harmed
I now meet them face-to-face
make direct amends
not for forgiveness
to admit what I have done
how I have hurt them
not in general
in detail, each occasion
holding back nothing
time for honesty
all shame must be set aside
not an easy task
perhaps some refuse
there might be hostility
or skepticism
it will take courage
sincerity, honesty
these will serve me well
Creativity
some will be absent
people who cannot be reached
those who are deceased
perhaps a letter
even though never received
the effort is made
maybe service work
in honor of the one harmed
or a donation
in these instances
sincerity is foremost
it must be heartfelt
Caution
care must be taken
I should not force or pressure
those who rebuff me
their hurt is too deep
they prefer to keep distant
resentments too strong
respect their wishes
for now, a letter kept sealed
perhaps time will heal
some are too fragile
too vulnerable to hear
what I have to say
must not hurt them more
or others with my amends
these I must protect
itself is making amends
an act of kindness
Step Ten
Continued to take personal inventory and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.
The Witness
Step Ten builds practice
for a new way of living
on principle built
lessons I have learned
as I worked Steps Four Through Nine
now come into play
no head in the sand
right or wrong...for all I do
I serve as witness
I must be aware
words, actions, my behaviors
accountable...all
all must be noted
personal inventory
daily and at night
a new routine is forged
self awareness evermore
a way of living
The Owner
as hard as I try
perfection not an option
I will commit wrongs
after is what counts
what do I do when I’m wrong
simply ignore it?
hope it’s not noticed?
maybe brush it off...my bad
hey, it’s no big deal
no big or little
not about size or degree
venial or mortal
wrong is wrong enough
my job...see it...admit it
not over think it
be responsible...
how often have I heard this
as I work these steps
reverberating
this theme I hear being drummed
I am the owner…
The Time
there is no later
waiting for a better time
working up courage
did the wrong take long?
most cases not...it was quick
the words just flew out
snubs, lies, bad manners
promises not kept, rudeness
insensitive jokes
they come easily
most with no ill intentions
yet without excuse
wrongs take an instant
admission must be as quick
admitted...promptly!
The Others
wrongs are not nameless
usually people are harmed
I know who they are
to them I admit
right to their face...I was wrong
no hum and hawing
as far non humans
be it a pet or a plant
make it up to them
water, fertilize
replace, feed, care, clean it up
whatever it takes
have self awareness
when wrong, quickly admit it
straightforward, simple
honest and humble
as easy as 1-2-3
this Tenth Step practice
Step Eleven
Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
Preface
when reading this step
do well and take care to pause...
much to consider
matters of great weight
not easily understood
harder to explain
words mean what they mean
though the meanings might differ
when spoken...then heard
written...later read
from one person to the next
in past... in present
from this place to that
one context and another
yes, words are tricky
even most authors
struggle meaning to impart
it belongs to them
especially so
in matters like mysteries
like Step Eleven
here, take some wisdom
from Twelve Steppers passed along
it deals with advice
this is all we have…
experience, strength, and hope
all we can offer
it is earned and learned
not The Truth...truth that is mine
yours to take or leave
Diligence
a theme continues
admit, believe, decide...do
take action...always
Step Eleven...seek
not a one-time suggestion
a clarion call
daily...even more
whenever and wherever
truly a practice
Prayer
not one but two tools…
‘through prayer and meditation’
two distinct methods
this Step uses each
understanding need be clear
no foggy notions
quite different tools
each a separate practice
first of the two...prayer
a vast subject, prayer
of all I was taught and read
one thing struck me most
said in interview
spoken by a well known nun
Mother Teresa
three short sentences
asked what she said in her prayers
she said, ‘I listen’
after a short pause
she was asked, ‘what does God say?’
she said, ‘He listens’
then a longer pause
into the silence, she said,
‘I can’t explain it’
such is wordless prayer
when nothing is said or heard
‘I can’t explain it’
the brain left behind
prayer without words moves deeply
knows without knowing
its footprint is light
not easily sensed...yet there
seen in its effects
it is life changing
what was before is no more
new life edges in
slowly in coming
suddenly there...like magic
no...like mystery
yet reality
made so through faithful practice
day by day by day
thus will it happen
this bounty without request
beyond even hope
a transformation
old self yielding to the new
a new consciousness
Step Eleven says
seeking through prayer...to improve
my contact…with God
Meditation
the prayer I describe
for some, is meditation
for them, so be it
my meditation
unlike my prayer, involves brain
it is reflection
all that I observe
my thoughts, what people might say
whatever I read
all these are fuel
each a topic to ponder
occasion to learn
a chance to witness
to enhance my awareness
become more mindful
thus I am nourished...
meditation feeds the mind
prayer feeds the spirit
Conscious Vs Un
it does say conscious
conscious contact...but with God?
by using my brain?
can brain be trusted…
based on history...not mine
whole lot of talking
and what do I hear…
does it come from God or me
am I to decide
unconscious contact
silent speaking and hearing
with no me between
no need for speaking…
Mother Teresa listened
God also listened
although unconscious
through such a faithful practice
contact will be made
God’s Will
this step and Step Three
both invoke the name of God
as we understand
given this option
I choose not to understand
to have no concept
not one given me
nor one I have created
brain children the two
such is human will
call it whatever I may...
my brain hatched it up
my Eleventh Step
seeks to improve connection
with what is within
the being I am
the I am who am being
eternally there
there a will awaits
not a brain will...not self will
nor ascribed to God
not a conscious will
rather...a will of conscience
a gift over time
faithful listening
through prayer and meditation
offspring of practice
thus is birthed conscience
knowing…willing...to do right
thoughtless in doing
seeking is practice
just as practice is seeking
with twofold the fruits
practice brings knowing...
knowing the will to do right...
brings strength to do it
weak my devices
best I become desolate
leave nothing to me
go deeply inside
abide there unconsciously
listening not listening
hearing not hearing
seeking yet without seeking
knowing not knowing
then...not caring how
mysteriously appear
shadow images
thoughts for reflection
scanty articulations
a nascent credo
adequate to guide
to shepherd me to loving
to being kindness
such a will I seek to know
and the strength to do
Step Twelve
Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics [or other compulsive/addictive substances/behaviors, e.g., narcotics, food, sex, gambling...], and to practice these principles in all our affairs.
Good Consequences
on this my journey
Eleven Steps a path make
Twelfth...a path to stay
to where has it led...
freedom from my compulsion
precious in itself
in itself a prize
yet much more I have received...
a new way of life
an awakened way
a willingness to witness
to observe myself
to turn inwardly
pay heed to inner being
not to attachments
nor wily urges...
so long masters that enslaved
robbers of freedom
of this Step Twelve speaks...
spiritual awakening
and truly it is
awake to being
power abiding within
growing in spirit
awakened...the way
abiding within...the source
growing...the result
Unselfishness
not just about me
I work for all who suffer
they deserve relief
what I have received
I am to give to others
first, by example
mine is not to preach
it is to live my beliefs
my inside will show
those able to see
let them decide for themselves
about what they see
they can make their choice
whether they want what I have
or another way
for those who want it
what I have can be theirs, too
theirs for the taking
they need only ask
I will carry the message
the cost...willingness
what can I offer
only what I have received
these simple Twelve Steps
my experience
the strength I have been given
my hope for each day
The Way
one word...surrender
what the Steps are all about
the great paradox
through giving up self
doing what each step entails
not once but always
all aspects of life
in all things, with all people
live these principles
giving...practicing
so much received in return
a new way of life
a way so simple
focused on the next right thing
based on principles
living honestly
free from fear-driven lying
just one life...not two
with integrity
comes a sense of well being
shame cannot survive
free-from is freedom
each day the path continues
in faith forged onward
I need not know where
there is no destination
the walk is the way
no more do I ask
as once I did...who am I
I am who I am
grateful to be me
no more tormented...seeking
searching for answers
life now is enough
the Twelve Steps keep me on course
my job...to live them
No comments:
Post a Comment